Tag Archives: thoughts

Thoughts spin round and round

14 Apr

I kicked the covers off and then pulled them on again. Rolling over, I sighed and flipped my pillow to the cooler side.

What am I going to do? I know she is going to find out. Why do I always have to be mean? Why am I so bad? I never do anything right.

The thoughts kept coming. I got up and looked out the window and was met with darkness. I could see only the blue light from my neighbor’s computer through their living room window. I closed the shade and went back to bed.

Covers on, covers off. Covers on.

When is she going to know? How long do I have? Maybe I should just tell her. Everybody is going to hate me. 

I pulled the covers back off and sat up, letting my feet dangle over the side of the bed for a moment before swinging them onto the floor.

As I maneuvered my way in the darkness over piles of clothes and books, I pulled the back of my T-shirt down to cover my backside. My bedroom door didn’t make a sound as it opened and I took a sharp right into the room right beside it, pushing open that door with a hesitant hand.

I crept alongside the bed in this room and snuck around to the side closest to the window. I touched her cheek.

“What is it, Katie?” she asked, almost as if she anticipated my visit.

“I colored on Sister’s doll and hid it underneath her bed,” I whispered.

“It’s okay,” she sighed. She stroked my hair. “We can talk about it in the morning.”

I hugged her quickly and with a burst of relief I scurried back around the bed, through her door and into my own bedroom, diving back under the covers, finally able to sleep.

I wish the story ended there, but my poor mother was awakened countless times with my late night confessions and even now my head is working all night.

Is he mad at me? What time do I have to be up in the morning? I can’t remember which meeting is first tomorrow. Did I call my mom back?

“Did you want to go out to dinner or stay in tomorrow night?” I ask.

“Katie, let your brain relax- it’s after midnight,” he responds half asleep.

“I didn’t realize I said that out loud,” I reply.

He lays his hand on my head like he can will the thoughts from spinning. It works. I cuddle deep into the covers, put my head on his shoulder and allow myself to sleep.

One more night down.

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