If I became a parent today…

2 May

The prompt for this week’s Theme Thursday was “…non-traditional parenting choices. What do you do that’s “unusual”? Do you co-sleep? Do you let your eight-year-old cook dinner? Tell us all about it!”

This made me sad.

I have no children. I have nothing to contribute.

But then I thought, maybe these ladies think they can block me out of their sharing shenanigans, but they are SO WRONG. I will just share what would happen if I became a parent today.

  • If I became a parent today, it would probably make things awkward with my boyfriend. We’ve only been dating 10 months so it would have meant we got pregnant by immaculate conception. I don’t know if he’d be open to helping me raise our miracle baby so I might be searching for a barn to sleep in.
  • If I became a parent today, my  boss might not appreciate my shoving a pack and play into the corner next to my cubicle. Luckily, people are already burning popcorn and cooking fish in the microwave so a few stinky diapers here and there wouldn’t make things any worse for the wear.
  • If I became a parent today, I would finally get the people upstairs back for having loud sex by drowning them out with the sounds of a crying child.
  • If I became a parent today, it would mean I always got a seat on the bus and people would move to get out of my way.
  • If I became a parent today, it would be just in time to have the whole summer off for maternity leave. Perfect timing.
  • If I became a parent today, I bet my mom would stop considering a move to Florida (don’t leave me, Mom!!).
  • If I became a parent today, my trip to Charleston tomorrow would likely have to be cancelled, and that is NOT going to happen.

See y’all when I get back!!

I linked up for Theme Thursday:

Guess what?! I won Kate’s (from Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine) Caption That last week! Woohoo! See what you can come up with for this week’s photo!

Plus, I was featured in The Life I Live’s first newsletter! Check it out and let me know what you think!

AND The Insomniac’s Dream, creator of the ABC’s of Swearing challenge nominated me for a Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Thanks biatch!

Whew! I am leaving town on a high note…

Kate sig

40 Responses to “If I became a parent today…”

  1. helen jameson May 2, 2013 at 7:55 am #

    This post was very funny especially the immaculate conception bit and the loud people upstairs.
    I was a non-traditional homeschooling mom with wild red hair and a strange sense of humor. My daughters survived many things. Like the time I found a dead snake on a walk and carried it home draped across a stick. They needed to know how to identify a good snake from a bad one!
    They also forgave me for the Latin lessons and the year of non-stop schooling after which we all agreed that we needed breaks. We had a wonderful time filled with books and laughter. My youngest daughter graduates next week. Woot Woot!

    • Another Clean Slate May 2, 2013 at 7:59 am #

      I am sure you are going to find lots of fun things to keep you occupied in your empty nest! You definitely sound like a fun mom!

  2. Holly May 2, 2013 at 8:04 am #

    Mt favorite is getting back at the people above you…I so have lived around people who deserve that!

  3. JennSomethingClever May 2, 2013 at 8:22 am #

    Microwaving fish!! That’s the thing miss least about working. And neighbor sex is what I miss least about my condo.

    • Another Clean Slate May 2, 2013 at 8:23 am #

      Feel free to come visit and enjoy the aromas and listen to a very short interlude of awkward sounds.

  4. vickimtaylor May 2, 2013 at 8:36 am #

    Well, I guess this is a long hard look at realizing you’re not ready for a baby in your life. 🙂 Followed you from SITS. Have a blessed day! Enjoy the single life a while longer!

  5. Jodi May 2, 2013 at 8:39 am #

    Oh the loud upstairs neighbors. I have them too! So annoying! Love this post – too funny!!! Have a great time in SC.

  6. carly5482 May 2, 2013 at 8:42 am #

    I love this. I have a friend who is trying to get pregnant so her mother in law does not move since she wants her to babysit!

  7. dishofdailylife May 2, 2013 at 8:53 am #

    Oh this was funny! When I was a new parent, I am sure I did all sorts of things non traditionally. Yes we did the co-sleeping thing…it was the only way to actually get any sleep. No we didn’t have our kids on a schedule…it was the only way for me to keep my sanity (I’m sure many would say the opposite). Still probably not doing it the traditional way, but who cares, it works for us. They’re good kids overall and it’s scary to me to think how fast those years flew by!

  8. Running Mama May 2, 2013 at 8:54 am #

    I like how you didn’t want to be left out of our shenanigans, but you would have to move if you didn’t want your neighbors waking your baby up randomly. We’re looking right now…
    Have a great trip!

  9. Insomniac's Dream (@sleepybard) May 2, 2013 at 8:56 am #

    You don’t compete with the neighbors?

    • Another Clean Slate May 2, 2013 at 8:58 am #

      I usually only hear it when I am by myself. Except once, my friend was staying with me from Florida and the two of us were watching a movie in my bed and they started. No matter how loud we put the TV on, we could not drown it out!

  10. The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) May 2, 2013 at 9:59 am #

    Hate to be the bearer of bad news but people would still make you stand on the bus…you would be shocked at much chivalry is dead! 😉 Have fun in Charleston…love that place!-The Dose Girls

  11. Sandy May 2, 2013 at 10:10 am #

    Too funny, so this is what you do after A-Z! Previously A-Z moving onto May

  12. ThingsThatHappenEveryday May 2, 2013 at 10:24 am #

    Always get a seat on the bus….you would be suprised, not always :((.

    First point really made me laugh! I love how you turned this post into a great one even though you have no kids.

  13. Jen May 2, 2013 at 11:09 am #

    Babies love road trips! Pop it in the car and head to Charleston! They never cry or shriek or poop or spit-up when your driving. Ever.

    • Another Clean Slate May 2, 2013 at 11:21 am #

      Could I just leave it in the hotel room while we went out? 🙂

      • Jen May 2, 2013 at 12:05 pm #

        I just realized my comments were attaching to my teeny homeschool blog. Wow, that explains a lot! Anywhoooo….I am sure the hotel maids would help out if you asked nicely.

  14. Kayla @ Keeping Up With Kayla May 2, 2013 at 12:09 pm #

    This is so funny! love that you twisted the theme to fit you! 🙂

  15. Jill J. May 2, 2013 at 1:01 pm #

    Ha ha…I love it! I am kind of happy you are not a parent today but only for those reasons! 🙂 Have a great trip!

    Jill
    Classy with a Kick

  16. Janine Huldie May 2, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

    Have fun on your trip Kate and I actually did have my first in July and had off the whole summer with her. Too bad she was colicky, but still it was some summer!!

  17. Rebecca Rider May 2, 2013 at 5:15 pm #

    Hehehe… loved this list, very cute! I expected the same thing where the bus was concerned, but you’d be surprised how many people will let an 8-month pregnant woman stand so they can keep their seat.

  18. Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections May 2, 2013 at 6:15 pm #

    Love your take on this! I’m not a parent yet either, but I’m so far from wanting to be there yet. Been married less than a year!

    Some of my friends are starting to have kids though, and it’s kind of freaking me out. When did we become adults?!

  19. Bianca @ Track Pants and a Tot May 2, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

    Visiting from Bloppy Bloggers. Funny post with really good perspective too. Especially about getting those neighbors back!

  20. Kate May 2, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

    Love it – laughed out loud reading this! Especially about getting your own back on noisy neighbours, I remember doing exactly that when my daughter (who could scream from 7pm until 5am!) was born.

    Enjoy your weekend.

    Kate x
    Kate at Home

    • Another Clean Slate May 2, 2013 at 8:14 pm #

      Thanks Kate! Hopefully your new place in England is standalone!

      • Kate May 3, 2013 at 12:24 pm #

        Yes, our new house is detached!

  21. MamaSchmama May 2, 2013 at 8:36 pm #

    Now, see you’re off on a weekend trip and I’ll be at home the whole time with stinky diapers. Now who is left out? Babies come when they want to come and when you’re a mama you will appreciate the fact that you had all this time for adventures. I know nothing I just said is meaningful to you yet. Come back and read this post after your child turns 1. 😉

  22. Kristen May 2, 2013 at 8:58 pm #

    Hahaha, thanks for another good laugh!!! I cant even choose which is my favorite. Probably the people upstairs. You show them!!

    • sheethalsusan May 3, 2013 at 2:58 am #

      Ditto!
      Mine too….
      Was a good laugh, Girl! 🙂

  23. Heather (@mylittlehea) May 2, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    Yeah, no kids and posts around that sorta thing definitely make a girl feel left out in the rain. Oh well…I love what you did with it! Congrats on the caption contest! I just entered for this week, lol!

  24. bequoted May 2, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

    “If I became a parent today, it would mean I always got a seat on the bus and people would move to get out of my way.” Oh ma’am let me tell you how wrong you are on this one…Well, most people will at least offer. Andrea @ be-quoted.com visiting from SITS.

  25. misssrobin May 3, 2013 at 11:30 am #

    Way to take a prompt and make it your own! I hope you have a fabulous trip!

    Stopping by from SITS.

    (P.S. I don’t think people will buy the immaculate conception thing these days.)

  26. Coral May 5, 2013 at 9:33 am #

    I absolutely LOVE your sense of humor! 🙂 Looking forward to more.

  27. Cari Watts-Savage May 5, 2013 at 9:25 pm #

    I love this! Especially the comment about your upstairs neighbors… we have the same problem! Ugh!

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