So what… I’m still a rockstar

22 Apr

So what… I’m still a rock star. Remember that Pink song? It goes on to say “…my husband left me, but I’m gonna be alright.” Guess what? My husband left me and I turned out alright- better than alright even. Okay, so he didn’t exactly leave me. And I am not exactly a rock star. But, you get the picture.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to spill the beans on myself about my divorce. For one thing, it happened years ago. I like to pretend it never happened and frankly, often my friends and I actually do forget. BUT it was an event in my life that had a huge impact on who I am today. I am in a much better, happier place than I ever would have been had that marriage stuck. Honestly, when he proposed I thought he was breaking up with me. Who does that?!

We didn’t date long enough, we were too young, we were too different- all those clichés are true. But what it comes down to is that we just weren’t right for one another.

When I met my current boyfriend (my first real relationship since the big D) I was kind of embarrassed to tell him about my past. He was younger and I had all this baggage, but while it isn’t the ideal situation, he accepts me for who I am. I am thankful for that. I mean, he thought I was kidding at first, but he was understanding.

I’m writing this mostly because I want other ladies out there to know that it is okay to go through something like this. I was ashamed. I didn’t want anyone new that I met to find out. But eventually I realized, it is NOT the end of the world, and you know what, most of the time you come out on top. I know I did. It takes other strong relationships with your family and your friends and a whole lot of strength, but I promise this too shall pass.

So all you unhappy ladies, leave your marriages. Only kidding. Most of you out there will work out your differences and do what it takes to get through any issues that come your way (actually, I’m hoping most of you are completely thrilled in your situations).  I’m not saying it’s the right decision for everyone, but it was the right decision for me. And if my life is cake right now because I moved on, then my boyfriend is the icing. And everyone deserves to find their icing.


So what makes you still a rock star?

Today was Day Nineteen (or Day S) of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge

Hoping you’ll follow me on Bloglovin or Twitter! I also recently created a profile with Canopi, so you can check me out there if that’s what you use! New friends make me happy!

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41 Responses to “So what… I’m still a rockstar”

  1. Me April 22, 2013 at 8:49 am #

    Seems like you took a strong decision back then but very needed! Whatever we do, atlast our smiles and happiness is what matters the most! 🙂

  2. megan April 22, 2013 at 8:51 am #

    Sure sounds like you ,made the right decision, and now you’ve found someone who is right for you! thanks for sharing your story. I know it’s not always easy to talk about things like that.

    sound of music

  3. helen jameson April 22, 2013 at 8:57 am #

    What is cake without icing? Just bread with sugar, baby.
    Thank you for sharing about your divorce. My rock star status might be because I didn’t marry that certain guy who would have poisoned me in small increments until my brain and heart was the size of a Jelly Belly Jelly Bean. It was a good day when I didn’t say ‘I do.’
    The man I actually married is my icing, too. I love him dearly.

  4. Karen April 22, 2013 at 9:06 am #

    Just wanted to say that I am so glad you are happy now and you made it through that rough time. I have not been through a divorce but when I have gone through some awful times I always try and repeat over and over…this too shall pass, this too shall pass. You are a rock star for sharing this with everyone!

  5. Kimberly H. Smith April 22, 2013 at 9:45 am #

    Great reflection. I think I’m still a rock star despite life struggles because I have faith. I want more and I expect more regardless of what is thrown at me.

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 9:51 am #

      It is tough to still expect more after going through some things, however I am getting there. Thanks Kim.

  6. Janine Huldie April 22, 2013 at 10:26 am #

    Honestly thanks for sharing and this should help anyone having some kind of marital problems out there know they aren’t alone. Wonderful post and happy to get to know you a bit better 🙂

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 10:42 am #

      I was talking to a girl the other night who was saying how she was afraid to end it because of what other people would think. I had totally been there, so figured others had also. Thanks Janine!

  7. School of Smock April 22, 2013 at 10:49 am #

    It can be so tough to figure out the timing of when a relationship should end, or when it’s right to try to figure it out and stay in it. I’ve never been divorced, but I’ve been in that situation. And when the relationship ends and it’s not your choice, that also takes time to figure out and process. For me, this is one of life’s biggest lessons: time truly can change nearly anything. Your mind just needs time to let it all sink again and figure out how to make a better life.

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 10:56 am #

      You are so right about time changing everything. Thanks for sharing your perspective 🙂

  8. Tina April 22, 2013 at 12:18 pm #

    Sometimes the best solution to the problem is to walk away. And there is no failure in that. Glad you landed on the cake! 😉

  9. Bradley Charbonneau April 22, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    My sister (OK, me too, but not as strongly) get really angry with her friends who don’t leave their husbands. She mentions, wow, now that I think about it, pretty often. It really bugs her. She’s an A-Type by a long shot and doesn’t let anyone push her around, so it kills her to see her friends unhappy when she knows all they need to do is take that first step and leave. Yes, it’s hard, but often the only regret you have later is, “Why didn’t I do that sooner?”

    Here’s a happy one for your day: S is for Smile.

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 12:47 pm #

      Your sister sounds like someone I would like! I definitely did ask myself why I didn’t do it sooner. Heading to check out your happy post now 🙂

  10. candidkay April 22, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    Brilliant! Here’s to the icing:)

  11. jesstopper April 22, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

    Glad you got your cake, AND your icing, and that you’ve shared your story. I am sending this link to a dear friend who has deprived herself of the sweets she’s deserved long enough! (Gotta stop the food imagery, I’m getting hungry!) Great post!
    Jess / Blogging on the Brink

  12. The Dose of Reality April 22, 2013 at 2:02 pm #

    Doesn’t it feel good to let it all out? I feel that way when I reveal things that are embarrassing. It’s always a relief because you realize there are so many people who identify with you and have been there (or are there) themselves. You realize you’re not alone. And even those who don’t identify don’t usually end up judging you anyway. Other people can be much easier on us than we are on ourselves.

    So good for you!!! 🙂 –Lisa

  13. sincerelyshannonblog April 22, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

    Wow! Thanks for sharing. Glad you found your icing. I’m looking for mine 😉

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 3:42 pm #

      I really think it is true what they say- it happens when you least expect it!

  14. Dana April 22, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    Sounds like your divorce put you in a better place, and with a better guy for you! I’m still a rock star because I’ve been married almost 18 years and my icing is sweeter than ever. There’s been a lot of recipe tweaking though 🙂

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 5:03 pm #

      That’s amazing! I envy people who have the right recipe- even if it did take tweaking 🙂

    • lisanewlin April 22, 2013 at 5:58 pm #

      Dana, is your recipe just a lot of beating him down into submission? I find that works best for me.

  15. lisanewlin April 22, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

    First off, you ARE a rockstar, so you shut your mouth (or your keyboard) about that!

    Second, did you know I’m divorced? Well, actually, now I’m married, but i was married before and divorced super young. I got married a few weeks after I graduated college and just before I started law school. I knew it was wrong but I didn’t know how to stop it. Our families were super close, he is a good guy, etc. It was just wrong, but I was only 21 and didn’t know how to tell everyone I knew what was best. At 21, I’m not sure I thought I knew what was best.

    I did.

    After a little more than 2 years of a miserable marriage, I left him. It was horrible, but no more horrible than 2 years living in a marriage where I was unhappy and trapped and miserable. He wasn’t abusive or anything, and he really is a good guy…we were just SO wrong.

    I was single for 4 years before I met my husband, who is the love of my life. I’m so grateful for him and I love him more every day. He is my perfect match and anyone who sees us together says we are perfect together. Honestly, I agree.

    I’m grateful for my first marriage and my divorce. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I’m so glad I suffered the misery of living with someone you don’t love, and feeling like I was trapped for the rest of my life. I say that because it makes me value and appreciate my husband and my life so much more. I wouldn’t do it differently, because out of all that pain came a better person who is a better wife than I would have been otherwise.

    I mean, I’m obviously an awesome wife either way. Duh.

    So hang in there, and don’t ever be sorry or embarrassed about your divorce. It’s made you who you are, and that’s pretty fricking awesome. Embrace it as part of your life experience, and learn from it.

    And then go rock out to P!nk, because she really is awesome!

    • Another Clean Slate April 22, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

      Ha! I knew you rocked but this proves it 🙂

      I did not know you were divorced before but it always makes me feel better to know someone else made a mistake like I did when they were young- so thanks for messing up like me!

      Thanks so much for your kind words, advice and encouragement!!!

      • lisanewlin April 22, 2013 at 7:00 pm #

        Of course! It always feels good to know you aren’t alone, and you definitely aren’t. 🙂

  16. Divorced Kat (@1stYrDivorce) April 22, 2013 at 10:09 pm #

    It’s refreshing to hear stories about short marriages not wrecking you for the rest of your life. Previously, I admit it, I would’ve judged someone who got divorced quickly. I mean, I could imagine that after 25 years of marriage that two people could grow apart. But 3 years? What kind of a quitter are you?! Well, I got divorced after three years, and I know this for sure: I was a ROCKSTAR wife, I loved my husband, and I did everything I could to save my relationship. Not judging other people’s relationship decisions was a hard lesson to learn by experience.

  17. JccKeith April 23, 2013 at 12:25 am #

    I often forget I was divorced before I met my husband. It just never comes up and I have to even try to remember that marriage. I’ve been married for 14 years now and most people I know now didn’t know me before so it all works out. I’m not ashamed of it, it just never crosses my mind.

    • Another Clean Slate April 23, 2013 at 2:31 pm #

      Isn’t it amazing how quickly we forget? Congrats on the 14 years 🙂

    • Divorced Kat (@1stYrDivorce) April 23, 2013 at 2:58 pm #

      That is encouraging to hear! Now my divorce feels like such a weight to lug around and eventually explain to potential suitors.

  18. dee April 23, 2013 at 12:41 am #

    “Everyone deserves to find their icing.” I so love this analogy!

    Congrats on your divorce. Like I told our fellow blogger Megan on her Q for Quitting post, sometimes quitting something is for the best. Jobs for her and me, this marriage for you.


  19. Heather the Evil Twin May 1, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    “Honestly, when he proposed I thought he was breaking up with me. Who does that?!” – umm, me! *groan* I am so grateful I got to have the Good Twin come into my life during the separation and divorce- in fact, that’s what inspired our blog!

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